


My Axe is My Buddy

by birdgirlwrites



Category: Creepypasta - Fandom, Marble Hornets, slenderman - Fandom
Genre: Also Me: WHAT IS A JUGGALO? A FUCKING LUNATIC, F/M, Me: wears bright colors and quotes Disney movies, brief appearance by my good good boy Candypop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 10:43:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18658822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birdgirlwrites/pseuds/birdgirlwrites
Summary: “Wewillfinish this discussion later.” It was a command, not a question. The thought of pushing him out the window he was climbing from briefly crossed your mind….no, you couldn't do that. Even if he wouldn't be hurt, Slender would have your head on a platter for trying. Or he’d respect your bravery, and Jack would be the one trying to hunt you down. Either way didn't look great for you..In which reader is oblivious to Laughing Jack's advances, Jack is his usual obnoxious self, and Candypop wishes he hadn't interrupted this hormone horror show. Based on the song "My Axe" by Insanw Clown Posse.





	My Axe is My Buddy

It wasn’t unusual, when one befriended murderers, to find a straggler invading your personal space every now and then. Take Jeff, for example. He never caught on to the concept of personal space - perhaps that was why he became so intimately close with his victims in the moments leading up to their deaths. Perhaps that was why, when he felt he needed something, he wasn’t afraid to be up front and in your face (or in your kitchen) about it.

Though this was an issue with a majority of your criminal acquaintances, none understood less the concept than Laughing Jack. He was always the first to drop by without warning, and the last to leave (but never empty handed). He rummaged through your things, took whatever he pleased from your kitchen, and, weirdly enough, couldn’t get enough of you (not in a sexual way. More in a “sniff your hair because you smell sweet” way). You grew used to Jack dropping by at all hours of the day - often prepared with brownies and something to keep him entertained while you worked. But there were times where even you couldn’t be expecting.

Take today, for example, when you were in the shower.

You were a sweet girl - one of the only people Jack truly, deeply cared about. But this….

“Axe is my buddy, I never leave without him!” You sung, voice barely audible over the pounding of water against tile. “Me and my axe will leave your neck a bloody fountain!”

Jack grinned that wicked grin of his. This was hot. He could hardly believe that you - sweet, little you, who wore floral print skirts and honked at ducks to move them out of the road - would be into any music like this. Did you have merchandise? Oh, he bet you did. That big band shirt you always slept in seemed a lot more suspicious now.

The shower water shut off abruptly, signalling the end of the clown’s visit, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave. He wanted to see the look on your face when you realized he’d discovered your secret. And it was a secret - why else would you play DeBussy for two hours, when you could’ve been playing this? Honestly, and people called him the insane one!

When you opened the bathroom door to find Jack, that wicked, smug, stupid grin on his face, his arms crossed knowingly, you understood the depth of your situation. It never failed to amazed him how quick your face could redden.

“Idiot! Don’t you know how to knock?” You exclaimed. The clown could only laugh as you struggled to push him out of your bedroom, falling against the door as soon as you had shut it. He didn’t miss the muffled “I hate you!” aimed at him. He was holding back from popping right back into your room just to laugh in your face as you slipped into that floral skirt he had mentioned earlier.

When you finally reopened the door, Jack had, at a bare minimum, gotten his laughter under control. The stupid grin was still there. Boy, did you want to kick it right off his face (he was in prime position for it, too. Sitting criss cross on the floor with his head tilted up at you). But he was polite enough to compliment your dress and your newer, cleaner choice of music, which earned him entry back into your room.

Jack wasted no time in starting to rummage through your closet for hidden food or sweet smelling shirts. You watched with curious eyes, lips pursed, yet saying nothing. The clown had to be the first to speak.

“So,” He started, sniffing at a blouse you’d washed yesterday. “Insane Clown Posse, huh?”

You flopped onto your bed. What was it to him if you liked a little rap music every now and then? “For your information, I happen to find Juggalos very attractive. Their singing is one plus amongst many.” The clown’s ears perked at this, but you shut down his thought as quickly as it had come. “You don’t count.”

“Unfair.” He muttered. You merely shook your head. As unfair as he might think it was, it was still your decision, and you knew (though persistent), he’d respect it. The clown began to rummage through your things again. You knew that look - cold eyes, pouty lip. He was disappointed. God, you hated when he did this! It was nothing more than a ploy to get what he wanted (you knew what he actually looked like when he was upset - there was a lot more teeth). A smart one, too, you had the most difficult time denying him anything when he used that face on you.

“Jack….”

“You only said juggalos _plural_ , you didn’t specify!”

“I shouldn’t have to specify to-” You shrieked as Candypop appeared. Great. Another insane person for you to deal with. But to your joy, he focused his attention on Jack, communicating that he was needed. Now. Here’s something you never thought you’d say - thank you, Candypop! The blue clown apparated from your room, leaving you once again with Jack, who was already climbing out your window (Why he didn’t apparate like his friend just had, you were unsure).

“We _will_ finish this discussion later.” It was a command, not a question. The thought of pushing him out the window he was climbing from briefly crossed your mind….no, you couldn't do that. Even if he wouldn't be hurt, Slender would have your head on a platter for trying. Or he’d respect your bravery, and Jack would be the one trying to hunt you down. Either way didn't look great for you.

You heard a thump from outside. Craning your head out the window, you shouted, “No we won’t!” The clown made a rather….wow, um. That was one crude gesture. You mimicked it right back (though he couldn’t see it with his back turned) then fell onto your bed with a ‘fwoomp’.

You didn't like Jack. You _didn't_. Not like that, anyways….right? He was just your obnoxious friend who stole your blouses and spent his time bugging you. He didn't enjoy your company or anything - and you didn't enjoy his. The juggalo thing was just provocation. You would never see him like that!

.

.

.

Right?

Your train of thought was interrupted by a loud **BANG!** _Great_. You were really looking forward to relaxing the rest of the day, too...figures another one would show up (and, judging from the sound, break something) right as you caught a break. You sighed and pushed yourself off the bed.

“Whoever’s down there, you have ten seconds to run!”

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: Clowns weird me out in real life. Ironically, though, ICP is one of my favorite music groups. I'm trying to get tickets to see them in concert (and suffer the consequences of being in a middle aged juggalo mosh pit). Anyways, hope you enjoyed this little one shot! It may be the Year of Our Lord 2019, but you should never put it past me to produce Creepypasta content.


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